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Recently, I have been competing in Combined Driving Events and Driving Trials. Before that I went to a whole bunch of AMHR and AMHA horse shows and drove in numerous classes at each one of them. But it does not end there. I have most recently been competing in both of these worlds and have spent my entire summers for the past 5 years competing in some type of event every weekend. I must drive at least 200 miles every summer. I have little time left to go hunting, fishing, scuba diving, or hiking. Being an enthusiast addict, I have squandered my money on bits, harnesses, wagons, carts, entry fees, feed, vet bills, horse trailers, and countless number of donations to the driving cause. This compulsive behavior has not only affected my life but the lives of others. I have led fellow horseman down the road to a similar addiction. I have sold them small horses and encouraged them to participate in driving activities with them. It just never occurred to me I was committing such horrendous acts of irresponsibility by driving a horse with a small butt.
I was blissfully ignorant of all the ramifications of my addiction for a considerable amount of time. I inadvertently selected many activities that enhanced my dependency. Many of those activities stimulated an immense release of endorphins* to my brain. So, every time I raced through a hazard or got that bend in the dressage ring, my brain reinforced the addiction. The cones course was one of the worse offenders. Add to that a few ribbons at a horse show and my head would swell. In addition to the above there were three additional enablers that made significant contributions to my addiction.
First, my family, friends and often complete strangers provided overwhelming support of my endeavors. Secondly, there were more than ample opportunities available to facilitate maximum participation in driving activities. Last and most likely the most important were the horses. None of the very special equine I have had the privilege to drive have ever given any indication that they were being asked to perform even close to there maximum potential. Their small but mighty butts have pulled my magnificently sized body with relative ease. This makes it possible for them to finish a full marathon and still have heart and respiration rates only slightly above their normal resting rates. They have that intangible "heart" that makes them both a challenge and a privilege to drive. They are truly enablers.
Endeavors to rehabilitate me at this late stage of addiction have not been very successful and have been met with some resistance. Any attempts to limit my driving time, redirect my activities, and to increase the size of my horse's rump have led to symptoms of withdrawal and apparently stimulates extreme adverse behavior. Although I was not aware of any changes there were reports of temper tantrums, crankiness, irritability, and other odd behaviors not normally associated with old men. Most agree that it is much easier just to allow me to live with the consequences of my addiction than to attempt to make any changes. Besides rehab is for quitters.
While it is significantly easier to delineate which derriere is larger when one of them is attached to a little horse, I have found evidence that this addictive behavior is not limited to just the VSE community. While scrutinizing several of the most popular driving magazines it was apparent that large butts both on horses and people is a very frequent phenomenon in the driving world. I am truly amazed at the creativity used by individuals in disguising the evidence of their affliction. There is some consolation in the fact that I am not alone in my affliction but it is distressing that this addictive activity has permeated the driving community. I am sure that these individuals are as dedicated and compulsive as I am and have spent countless hours and dollars in support their habit.
The biggest giveaways are the photos depicting drivers with large smiles on their faces. It may be time to create a support group. Whips With Big Butts Anonymous, W.W.B.B.A., could have a place in this world. Imagine each event would need a Keister Patrol. Armed with measuring tapes, scales, and clipboards, volunteers or perhaps highly trained officials would go forth and discover, investigate, and exposed those individuals that have so cleverly camouflaged their cabooses. I am sure that all would be forever grateful for the interventions provided by this well-meaning group. Maybe it would be proper for all to lighten up a bit. Otherwise, one could be reading about themselves in the after event report called, "The Adventures of the Keister Patrol"
I wish I could say that I have taken even some minuscule steps towards changing my life back to the pre-additive state. Frankly, just admitting this addiction has been exhilarating. I am also not sure who has the problem. Is it those of us with big butts or those that notice the butts are big? Perhaps there isn't really a problem at all. Maybe we should pay more attention to our own butts and not worry so much about others. I have however, developed a method to remind me of my responsibilities. I have renamed my newest driving horse "Petite Derrière." Now each time I sit on the seat and pick up the lines I will be reminded of my obligations to my horses, my family, and my driving community.
The driving community is blessed with a diverse group of individuals with vast amounts of skills and knowledge. Whips from all over the world unitize the many different breeds of horses that populate the earth. It is this wealth of knowledge and skills that keeps the community strong and is the foundation required to build upon for the future. We use this wealth of skills and knowledge to provide input to form the rules and regulations that govern our driving events. I understand that it would be impractical in these times to function without written rules. Regulations are necessary and insure safety, fairness, and consistency to all. They should provide clear boundaries and guidelines to both old and new participants in the sport. But not all problems or situations lend themselves to be regulated by written rules. In these cases it is the unwritten but very real customs and traditions that are the true reins that should direct our driving society. Common sense, reasonableness, and safety should always be at the forefront. These are just common courtesies based on sportsmanship, manners, and the integrity of the participants. People make mistakes and often the answers and the true prevention used to stop reoccurrences are found by providing education not creating more regulations. I can only imagine the discussions that would be required to formulate the rules that governed the conduct and responsibilities of the Keister Patrol.
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